Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Being a Mom.

MONTHS ago, I read these words on a friend's Facebook wall, "I just want to be a full time mommy again."  MONTHS later, they are still stinging in my head.

As a working mom, I felt really hurt by this comment. It was probably spit out in a sense of fatigue much like what I feel on the day-to-day due to being out of the home for 40 hours a week, but it hurt nonetheless.  It made me feel as if I'm not a "full time mom".  Did she really feel like moms who work and leave their kids during the day are not "full time moms"?

Every day, Monday through Friday, I have to get up. I have to wake this precious little girl at least an hour earlier than what she wake if we let her sleep in. I have to dress her sleepy, limp little body and take her to stay with someone else. Sometimes she tells me she wants to "stay home", and I have to explain that Mommy has to go to work to "buy her new toys". Someone else gets to enjoy my sweet baby, who is growing up faster than I can handle. Every day I muddle through a work-day when all I can think about is wanting to be back home with EK. I have to let someone else make decisions for her; what she eats, what she watches on TV, how much she is played with, when she lays down for a nap. She is in fantastic hands, since she stays with my mother-in-law three days a week, and my great-grandmother-in-law the other two. It is seriously .so. hard, though.

Our holidays are always rushed and hectic because there is just that day off, free of worries. Honestly, they are a chore.

Working full time as a mom seems so isolating, especially since I have not lived in our community for a long time and don't have a ton of social time to spend on meeting new people. We miss out on play groups, reading groups, even VBS, since it all happens in the day time. It seems like everyone we are around is able to take the time to do these things. Have I just not found the right crowd of families to commiserate with?? I worry that she is doomed for a life of being "that kid" that other parents have to take places and cart around all summer, because her mom has to work all the time. Will she end up a hermit who stays home all the time because her mom can't hang out with her? I end up feeling so sad that I'm not able to take her to these fun  things and spend more time with her.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have a fantastic job that I actually enjoy. I have a great boss who understands as a mom that you just have to go be with your kid sometimes. I never worry about missing an event once she starts school, and it's never a big deal to sneak out early for an appointment. It's just that nagging feeling of having to be there.

I hope that, one day, I'm able to decrease my work hours or days and get a little more time with my girl. Until then, I just have to remind myself that I'm her Momma, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 100%, all the time. Working or not.


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  1. Awww, sweet momma! My mom worked when I was a kid...It didn't affect me or my two brothers at all because that's what we knew....I stayed with my two grandparents and a nanny. I cherished that time with my grandparents and Ek will too! It helps you understand the sacrifices a parent must make. She will grow up more appreciative of you and your family :) you're doing great!

  2. Great post. I completely understand working mom guilt. It is an ongoing internal battle most days. I write about it often. It s always great to find other working mom bloggers. Found you at topmommyblogs.
    Angela @ Time w A & N