Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Screw You, Mom, and Other Triple P Adventures.

I guess EK was pissed at me after I blogged about her photo session antics yesterday. She definitely made me pay.

It all started in a nice warm bubble bath together. Never trust a toddler in the bath tub. They tend to poop. When they do, it's gross. It's even more gross when you're relaxing, and all of a sudden your water reeks and turns a nice yellow-brown.

 I fly out of the tub and start drying off as quickly as I can, so I can get EK out of her turd bath. The next thing I know, she's got one in her hand and is eyeing it lovingly, like she would her favorite candy bar. Oh, and she's sitting on another turd. I grabbed the turd and ran it to the toilet. This was a 9.9 on a 10 point scale of stinky crap. On the way to the toilet, I puke. Eww. Whatever.

I still need to get my turdling toddler out of the bath, so I suck it up and get EK out. She's all happy, happy, happy, and I'm all, 'Oh, lord I have to fish out four more stinky turds from the tub, AND THEN clean up my own vomit."  EK sees me getting a huge wad of toilet paper to grab the turds, and plays with the TP while I'm collecting.

She's laughing hysterically. SHE'S PEEING IN THE FLOOR. SHE'S RUNNING AND PEEING IN THE FLOOR. She slips, right into the puke.

It's just not the holidays without someone throwing up.
So, what do you do when your baby is covered in a Triple "P" mixture, and there are turds in your bath tub?

If you're me, you laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Oh, and curse your husband for working nights during this turd adventure. Then, you have a nice glass of wine.


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Monday, November 19, 2012

Taking Pictures of a Toddler Is Hard. Just Ask My Mom.

There a couple of things I can think of that I would rather do than attempt family photos again in the next few years.

A few of those things are:

1) Gouge my eyes out with a dull pencil
2) Drink the mystery milk from the sippy cup I found under the couch
3) Live on the South Pole
4) Lay over the threshold at Target at 9pm Thanksgiving night

Seriously. When did it get so hard to get a cute picture of my family? Ryan and I are decent looking in my view. EK is gorgeous. We should look awesome, right?
  My poor mom. She is a really good photographer. However, her subject has been on the wild side the last few sessions. Halloween was a blur, literally. The girl stormed through the pumpkin patch so quickly. Christmas photos, wow. We took them on our land to make things "easier". About the only thing easier about this was getting there. While she got a great shot for cards and whatnot, check out the awesome rejects.

All kinds of awesome.
EK, off to explore poison ivy and whatnot.
I actually like this one.

Free and wild!

Expert baby wranglers.

Yay, tetanus. Oh, we got a cat. EK and I rescued her after gymnastics, she was whoring around downtown.


We are a very loving family. Even this attractive cat.

At least we had a good time.

Hmmph. End of session.

Well, Mom did get SOME adorable shots. Case in point-
Aren't they the sweetest?
2 out 3 smiles isn't bad.

We may send a picture of the dog next year if EK is still in wild mode.  Newly married couples and couples with newborn, snuggly, tinies: enjoy your super-model Christmas cards.
The crap hits the fan once the kid's feet hit the ground.


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