Being a Mom.

MONTHS ago, I read these words on a friend's Facebook wall, "I just want to be a full time mommy again."  MONTHS later, they are still stinging in my head.

As a working mom, I felt really hurt by this comment. It was probably spit out in a sense of fatigue much like what I feel on the day-to-day due to being out of the home for 40 hours a week, but it hurt nonetheless.  It made me feel as if I'm not a "full time mom".  Did she really feel like moms who work and leave their kids during the day are not "full time moms"?

Every day, Monday through Friday, I have to get up. I have to wake this precious little girl at least an hour earlier than what she wake if we let her sleep in. I have to dress her sleepy, limp little body and take her to stay with someone else. Sometimes she tells me she wants to "stay home", and I have to explain that Mommy has to go to work to "buy her new toys". Someone else gets to enjoy my sweet baby, who is growing up faster than I can handle. Every day I muddle through a work-day when all I can think about is wanting to be back home with EK. I have to let someone else make decisions for her; what she eats, what she watches on TV, how much she is played with, when she lays down for a nap. She is in fantastic hands, since she stays with my mother-in-law three days a week, and my great-grandmother-in-law the other two. It is seriously .so. hard, though.

Our holidays are always rushed and hectic because there is just that day off, free of worries. Honestly, they are a chore.

Working full time as a mom seems so isolating, especially since I have not lived in our community for a long time and don't have a ton of social time to spend on meeting new people. We miss out on play groups, reading groups, even VBS, since it all happens in the day time. It seems like everyone we are around is able to take the time to do these things. Have I just not found the right crowd of families to commiserate with?? I worry that she is doomed for a life of being "that kid" that other parents have to take places and cart around all summer, because her mom has to work all the time. Will she end up a hermit who stays home all the time because her mom can't hang out with her? I end up feeling so sad that I'm not able to take her to these fun  things and spend more time with her.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have a fantastic job that I actually enjoy. I have a great boss who understands as a mom that you just have to go be with your kid sometimes. I never worry about missing an event once she starts school, and it's never a big deal to sneak out early for an appointment. It's just that nagging feeling of having to be there.

I hope that, one day, I'm able to decrease my work hours or days and get a little more time with my girl. Until then, I just have to remind myself that I'm her Momma, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 100%, all the time. Working or not.

Building Monster Scarers and a Family Get Together

I've complained a lot since March that I haven't had a Saturday to myself (or EK) in what feels like forever. I'm in the throws of my twenties and it seems like everyone just wants to have a kid or get married. Come on ladies. Let's get this over with, already ;)

I kid. Anyway, all the festivities of weddings, showers, and birthday parties left me tired and feeling like I haven't spent much quality time with EK. Friday night, a few of my mommy friends mentioned that they were taking their kids to Lowes Saturday morning to make Monsters University "Monster Scarers" at the Build & Grow Clinic.  It sounded fun, and it was free. I couldn't lose, plus I could run through the garden center and find something new for my porch.
  I signed her up, and off we went. We got a little kit on arrival, and EK got her very own Lowes apron.

I'm not going to lie, the kit looked super difficult. We eventually figured it out, and EK even got to use the hammer to nail her scarer together. It was the cutest thing ever. She got so comfy that she laid down on the floor and just kept hitting. She earned her very first patch for her apron, and we plan to go back for the next clinic!

After Lowes, we met Granny Skeet for lunch at Chick-Fil-A. EK loves her Granny so much, and she always wants to know what's in Granny's purse. As usual, there were a few prizes. We decided to go by the mall and Granny bought me two new dresses for church and my upcoming trip to Chicago.  We stopped at Chick-Fil-A AGAIN, this time the one inside the mall for a little ice cream.

Once we got home, it was time to get ready for our friends and Ryan's side of the family to come over for burgers and games. EK was so excited for her friends to come over that she couldn't fall asleep for nap.
We love having these precious kids and their parents come over, everyone gets along so well and the kids wear each other out! We had such a good time hanging out with everyone at once.

EK and her sweet friend.

Five minutes after the party.

This morning we went to church  .When we got home, Ryan made biscuits and fried eggs for lunch.  We've got a busy week ahead of us, but we're looking forward to an upcoming canoe trip the weekend of the Fourth of July!

The Road (Seems like it) Goes on Forever..

.. and the party really does end after about age 22. We're getting old. We have a kid. We are not spontaneous. Far from carefree. Roadtrips, however, are still something that I absolutely taking. I love to see new places and things.

  Back in March or April, we got an invitation to one of Ryan's sweet friend's wedding. He and the groom went to DPS academy together, and I'm pretty sure he got the award for "Furthest Distance Travelled to Get There".  He's from a little town in the panhandle, so I pretty much told Ryan before I opened the invitation that I wanted to go to the wedding. I wanted to drive, and no, I didn't want to take EK (oh, can you just imagine 9ish hours one-way with a 2.5 year old?!). 

  Fast forward to the weekend, we loaded up the car and headed out Friday around lunch. We spent the night in Gainesville, and hung out by the pool all evening, then walked around downtown for a little while. We ran into a free Junior Brown concert, which was incredibly unexpected in the small town.

 Saturday, we got up early and took off again for the wedding. We took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I though we lived in a rural area. I was wrong, this was maybe not even rural. More like remote.  We finally found the right trail again and made up some time. We crossed the Red River, which was totally dry and left me really wondering how it has so much water here in East TX. Looking back, we should have stopped and walked out into the dry river bed to take a picture. It was seriously so cool. We also got stuck behind storm chasers for a good 30 miles on the two lane highway. OH, and I think every town we passed through had a Dairy Queen. It's a Texas thing ;)

  The wedding was absolutely gorgeous, and I know Ryan had a good time reuniting with a few of his friends from the academy.  His job is really unique, it seems like everywhere we go, he is able to find someone he either knows or kind-of knows through DPS. It made it nice for the simple fact that we were outsiders in this tiny town, but we knew people.
  Sunday, we got up early again and drove the entire way home. I'm now convinced that Atlanta needs a Braum's, their burgers are seriously so delicious... and the ice cream, oh my gosh.

March....?!

HOW is it almost April? HOW is Easter next weekend. Wasn't St. Patty's day like last weekend?

Oh, it was. Hhmpmh. Life is getting away from me.

We've had lots going on around the McCasland compound. Ryan has had to travel to Austin for 4 weeks already this year, leaving me and EK to fend for ourselves. I've started working at another home health that is FOUR miles away from our house. It's so nice to not have a huge commute every day, and I get to spend a lot more time with the girl.

We had a little family birthday party for our big two year old.  Fun stuff happened. Stuff like men watched football games and stuffed animals rode the slide.

We've planted 11 trees around our land already this spring, and have updated the porch with new potted plants, courtesy of my fantastic mother in law. Hopefully, by the time we are 80 we will have a well shaded lawn!

Finally, I'll just brag a little and say that I've lost 7 pounds since mid-February. I've been following this little program called Naturally Slim. It's the easiest thing I've ever done. I just eat, whatever I want, only when I'm truly hungry. Simple! Ryan and I also gave up Coke for Lent, and we definitely don't plan to go back to our old soda habits. I've learned in my program just how much sugar is packed into those things.. it's scary, and really no wonder that so many people have blood sugar issues. Between different eating habits and working out several times a week, I'm feeling like a new girl :)

EK is growing so fast. We have lots of dance parties, and she loves to sing with her daddy. We also recently discovered the playground at Chik-Fil-A, but knowing she is my child, there was a never doubt in my mind that she would like that ;)

February 2012

February 2013

Look how she is growing! What a difference a year makes!

Stupid Kid Outfits.

We live in the south, where it's obvious that "fashion" is delayed, even for the little ones. I'm not sure you can claim it as fashion or "let's see what kind of ridic getup I can put my kid in today".  Anyway, last night a few friends and I ran across a few gems for toddler clothing... and a few extra things made out of minky dot fabric which we didn't mean to find. I'll never claim to be fashionable myself, more of a plain, sensible person, but EK generally is pretty cute. So, without wasting anymore time.. here I am, presenting: Worst Crap to Dress Your Kid In.

Where are her feet? This outfit is way too big for this kid. 

Again, way too big. Why do you need a short sleeve romper?! She looks like a  child parolee.

One of my friends came up with a little diddy for this dress.."He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows when you  have leopard print trim on a Santa dress, so be sure to really stress."

It's a bath mat, it's a bath robe, it's a diaper changing pad cover... Wait- it's a dress?

Minky dot is not supposed to be used to make clothes. Period. It's like... gross fur when you wear it.

Now, do me a favor and Google/ Bing/ Yahoo image search for the term "Lace Onesie". You'll see two things.

This is one of them.

The other thing you will see is lingerie- for grown women. I really had a hard time telling the difference between the adult version and the skanky baby getup.

While I'm at it, could someone please give me a link to a Pinterest tutorial to do EK's hair this way...?  I'm just determined that she will look this dumb for St. Paddy's.

Currently

 Loving: 

It's staying light outside for a little longer now! EK has been a crazy girl outside lately. It makes for a MUCH better evening when she is able to get a little of her energy out. Also, my mom has made a few outfits for EK that are just adorable.

Reading:

 I'm stuck in a book rut lately. I'm spending way too much time on the internet, aimlessly browsing Pinterest and my mommy boards. I did happen to pick up the first Harry Potter book a few days ago, so I may revisit that series. 

Watching:

Gnomeo and Juliet. X10,000. My mom gave it to EK for her birthday. It's EK's new favorite movie, but it's a little depressing to hear her call it "Momma & Daddy". I guess she is reminded of us when she sees talking garden gnomes. Really, I have been sucked back into Dual Survival and The Bachelor. Educational + trash= My television watching habits are incredibly well rounded.

Listening to:

The Thieving Birds- Hey, Leigh.  Love this band !

Thinking about:

How blessed we are as a family. I've been so worried for a few patients and kids that are in horrible situations, and I just can't be thankful enough that Ryan and I get to be the ones to raise our beautiful girl.

Looking forward to:

I have a hair appointment on Friday afternoon! My head is in pitiful shape.. I went way blonde in November, started taking Biotin for hair growth, and now I have 2 inch roots. It's bad, but at least my hair is getting longer. My childhood neighbor and fellow troublemaker is so talented at doing hair, and she always makes me feel pretty by the time she's done with mine. 

I'm volunteering in the nursery on Sunday, which will be interesting, I'm sure. As you all know, my maternal insticts aren't my selling points... I'm sure we will be fine though.

Making me happy:

 EK has manners! Seriously, she's adorable. She says "Thank you" (Tatue!) and "No Thank you"  (uh uh tatue!) Cutest. Thing. Ever.

A Small Break.

I'm taking a break from Facebook.  I feel like I'm losing all sense of humanity, and I'm feeling incredibly "stabby" lately.  I'm weary to the bone with status updates about perfect babies, things people's babies have done that are not as funny as their parents believe, unrealistic accomplishments and the bragging.  I'm tired of the requests for help and advice, only to get defensive replies when advice is offered that the person may not want to hear.  I am not willing to let myself think that these attitudes are OK. When I find out through Facebook about activities that my family and friends have done, when I may happen to not be a part of it.. I end up unjustifiably feeling left out.

....It's OK for things to happen without me being there...

I have been feeling this way for a while now. It started when I read a status update of a local lady carrying on about not getting to enjoy a sno-cone because a "stupid" State Trooper pulled her over.  Would she still have posted that if she knew that she was Facebook friends with that sweet Trooper's wife? The good of social networking far outweighs the bad (for every snipe or rant there are five sweet family photos that make me smile), but I seem to remember the bad too often.

I'm also finally tired of feeling like my life is part of a contest for display.  I’m finding that what Facebook is really great for, is BRAGGING, and that’s been a really difficult thing for me to deal with. I’m not a jealous person, but I find that seeing people posting about their new cars, stay at home mom crafts and get togethers, vacations, babies, and ginormous houses causes me to start comparing my life to others. And I’m guilty of it too- it’s hard not to post exciting news about your latest accomplishments or how awesome your kid is. Maybe I’m just being sensitive, and I should be able to applaud someone rather than covet what they have, but regardless, I just need a time-out from this hamster wheel.  I have a very sweet family, a new home, and all of our critical belongings are in perfect working order.

So, I think there's a lot of value in taking an occasional break from too much connectedness. Facebook is undoubtedly a time-suck, and I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed by it the past couple of weeks, like I'm too involved in people's lives and not present enough in my own. I just need to get away from it for a few days and refocus on the important people around me, rather than the poop/pee/sleep schedule of an acquaintance that lives 4 hours away and has either two or three children, whose names I could not tell you if I spent a year thinking about it.

Now, by no means do I think I am so important that I need to announce my departure for a social networking vacation- but I just needed to get out how I'm feeling.

I have an email address if you need me :)  Oh, and Granny Skeet- I will still post pictures of EK here for you.   :D